I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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