I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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