i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
