that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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