I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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