I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He better not be in your backpack
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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