Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
