Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
