He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
