the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
pop tarts are not kleenex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
