How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
