who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
