I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
