weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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