i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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