she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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