I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
