who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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