its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
