Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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