just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
