I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
