Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
