I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
