i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
