I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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