I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
