I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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