I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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