your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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