I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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