So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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