I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
