She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
