You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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