wake up i wanna do it froggy style
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
