If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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