First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
