If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
