the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
