I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
