Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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