Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
