So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
