i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
