if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
