i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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