Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
