I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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