90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
