how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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