You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
