Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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