it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
