I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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