I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
