5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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