your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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