I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
