seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
