Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
